The Women's March on Washington

Yesterday Derek and I attended the Womens March on Washington with our friends Doug and Clare Barr, who came from St. Helena, CA to stay with us and march.

Our weekend started with a party at Malmaison, a restaurant near our home in Georgetown, that Derek and I had conceptualized originally as a counter-inauguration party for friends.  After mentioning it to a friend who runs Civic Nation, the organization formed to continue the agenda of the Obamas post-presidency, he convinced us to make it a fundraiser for United State of Women, a sub-group of CN dedicated to women's issues.  We happily turned over planning to them and on Friday night there was an exuberant group of around 300 mostly-Millenials drowning their sorrows in support of women's rights.  Derek even met a young professor of politics at Pomona College, his alma mater, who had taken over the job of one of Derek's old professors!

On Saturday morning, we made our way by taxi to Capitol Hill, hoping to connect with a couple of other groups; alas, we only met up with one pair of friends and that was accidentally when I spotted them on the street.  We made our way down Independence Ave. towards the stage, and got our first glimpse of how major an event this was going to be when we crowned a hill and saw below us a sea of people converging on the site.  Realizing that we were on the wrong side of the stage, we attempted to go around the Nat'l Museum of Native Americans but were soon stopped cold in a giant scrum of people.

The crowd was young and old, scooter-bound, most ethnicities (though African Americans were notably underrepresented I thought); I saw hijab, yarmulkas, and hundreds and hundreds of pussyhats--the unofficial headwear of the event (worn by Derek, Doug, Clare and I with pride--thanks to Clare's knitting skills).  The signs were unbelievably clever, though my favorite of the day was, I think, simply: "No, seriously, WTF?" followed closely by "I think we've taken this 'Anyone can become President' thing to far".

The most striking thing about the march was, though, its civility and good energy.  People were packed in like sardines in a situation that could have easily gone south if one individual or group got aggressive or panicky, but everyone was visibly intent on making it a good experience for themselves and everyone else.  One of my favorite memories was when a young man, who proclaimed he was "Standing Rock" (is that a thing?) was trying to get himself and his group from one spot to the other (a nearly impossible task at some points) by saying "make way for the elder."  One woman was NOT having it, and said basically that his group wasn't any different from hers, who was also trying to move through the crowd.  After a slightly tense interchange which the young man artfully deflected, he started to announce again, right in front of me (who was also trying to lead my group to a less crowded place) "let the elder through".  Whereupon I said "Dude!  He's the same age as me!" with a smile.  He said timidly, "but he's a tribal elder" but when I gave him the stink eye he broke down laughing and gave me a hug.

My other favorite moment was when a group of Muslim young women were handing out American flag printed scarves that they were using as hijab--I caught the eye of one of them and she tossed me a scarf (and a smile), which I wore over my head for a while (I feel sorry for people who have to wear them--what a pain!).  

When we finally broke out of the real crush and headed across the Mall, we were struck by the sheer magnitude of the numbers of people.  For those that know the area, Independence was completely full of people; the areas between Independence and the Mall was packed, the Mall itself was filling up, Madison Street was full of people who began "marching" despite the fact that the program wasn't yet over, the steps of the National Museum of Art were completely covered with people, and Constitution Ave. was also full of people who had begun marching.  Even Pennsylvania Avenue, not remotely an official part of the march, was full of people.  Remember, Independence was the only part of the event that was permitted.

The lack of formal organization of the event was interesting in a couple of ways:  the program, which was apparently rich, varied, and star-studded, was impossible for any more than a small percentage of marchers to hear.  There were screens on which some people could see who was speaking or singing, but NO sound system that projected further than the direct vicinity.  Given that the program was about 4 hours long that was a big problem.  Still, no one was whining!  Second, there was absolutely NO crowd control, no police to speak of in attendance, no volunteers giving directions or information, no security checkpoints; yet, the crowd was completely calm and peaceful, there was no violence or even tussles--and as a young person with whom we had dinner last night observed, everyone played by the rules that the march website and social media had set up--no umbrellas, only clear backpacks, etc.  It was truly astonishing.

Contrast this with the day before, when giant barriers surrounded any building that was vulnerable, the National Guard was out in force within two miles of the Mall and the parade route, and roads were closed.  Sadly, some protesters thought it was productive to break windows and set newspaper stands on fire--but fortunately they did not show up to the March.  I guess we were too tame for them--but look who's on the front page today!

Here's the deal

OK so here's the deal: I have decided that instead of being obsessed with TRYING to make new friends, I'm going to just go to whatever I'm invited to or find online, and if I find someone nice, great; but if not, that's OK too. So far I've met or reconnected with three or four people whom I'd like to hang out with.

I'm interested to observe people whom I think do a good job at being with other people and making connections. Willee, who unabashedly invites people to events that she thinks are interesting or in which she is involved; if they want to come, great--if not, that's OK too. Susan, who is so friendly and not afraid to talk (like I am, in case someone thinks I'm not interesting), and also generously reached out to invite me to play tennis. Carol, who I met and connected with, but who was the one who followed up to do something else (and inspired me to invite her to something too).

I'd like to learn to be open and chatty and not be concerned that people won't think I'm interesting or nice. To do this, I think one has to be open to rejection. Trying too hard doesn't work. It's hard, but one has to be oneself. Haha how do you do that??

Home sweet home

We live in a small (for us) apartment in the West End of Washington, just across the bridge from Georgetown and its many cupcake shops (grrr). It's really nice to be in a small place with someone at the front desk to accept packages and welcome guests! Plus, we are upstairs from Trader Joes!

We have a guest room that is guest room/office/TV room. It has a sofabed, an Ikea desk and chair, and a gigantic TV that came with the house (we moved it from the living room to this room). We painted it persimmon (almost red) and bought a really fun Crate and Barrel rug. It is super cozy and comfortable and I love it. Still haven't figured out how to set up the wireless printer that lives in the closet though.

The living room/dining room/sitting area is a pretty large space, but very awkwardly shaped. Where the dining room should be, we have, after huge deliberation, put our two semi-modern chairs and huge ottoman with a smaller TV that can be watched from the kitchen too. I put the rug that was meant to go into the bedroom there, and it looks good. Problem is, we have a beautiful navy blue chenille sofa that doesn't fit anywhere in this apartment (the living room area is a bit short!). The rest of our furniture, which started its life in a gigantic living room in a huge house, fits pretty well into the rest of the living area. We are waiting for a round dining table from Room and Board, and I'm looking for cool chairs that will work with it. That will be squeezed in between the sitting area and living room. Hope it works!

We didn't paint our bedroom, which was a bit of a mistake, because it is very....beige. Waiting for a handyman to be available to hang our beautiful curtains from that same old big house. Maybe that will give it a bit of color; otherwise, we'll have to do a little DIY painting.

So far, all the friends' homes that we've visited are gigantor mansions in the suburbs of Virginia and Maryland. I feel a bit cowed to invite these people to our nest, but we'll just own it, right? Good thing we bought really nice quality furniture and rugs a long time ago :-).

Luncheon

Today, I went to a luncheon for the Pen/Faulkner "Founding Friends", a group that in return for a contribution to the Pen/Faulkner Foundation, invites old women primarily to hear authors speak about their books.  Today was Chris Matthews and 40 or so white women and a few men, held at an enormous house in northern DC.  Matthews was interesting, and spoke with passion about JFK and particularly his "woman problem" extemporaneously for almost an hour.  He looked a little pasty and gut-heavy, and made a lot of references that showed how effete he is--how he loves the white gloved waiters at the Ritz Carlton in Boston, how he loved the Clift Hotel in San Francisco "before they wrecked it", about the "dunes in Nantucket", etc. (I actually thought it was a little bit endearing).

I have a hard time with these types of events, which I'm forcing myself to attend, because I don't know anyone but the organizer, Willee Lewis, and am horrible at small talk.  I also feel as though in DC, I'm not particularly interesting, since all my conversation-worthy activities lately were in San Francisco.  I can only talk so much about being "in transition" before running out of ammo.  Today, I met a really interesting woman, Ann, who was a features journalist for the Washington Times.  She is now developing a blog in DC fashioned after the Talk of the Town in the New Yorker.  She's among many great people I've met briefly in my month here--fun to talk to, but unlikely that I will see again.  This is a social muscle that I need to condition:  how to follow up with people I'd like to stay in touch with, without feeling self conscious.

The bright spot is the Obama campaign:  while I'm frustrated with my inability to drop into the campaign at the same level of responsibility I had in California, I'm thrilled with the small team that is being built in Ward 2, my area.  There are three others who are on board, a Spring Fellow, a man my age named Peter, and a young woman, Melanie, who is a doll.  It looks like they have both good colleague and friend potential.

It was interesting to talk with Hallie last weekend about her experience in New York:  she is pondering how she can reach out to new friends there--difficult because of her challenging work schedule.  It's interesting to be in the same boat as she--hoping to meet new friends in a city a long way from home and our old networks.  I'm lucky to have the time to take Spanish, join the campaign, and go to luncheons and play tennis--all good ways to connect with other women.  It's tough for her because she works such long and unpredictable hours, even on weekends.  I shared with her that I had read a book called MWF Seeks BFF, about a young woman who moved to Chicago and committed to going on a "girl date" with a new potential BFF every week for a year.  While I'm obviously not going to do that, it brought home the necessity of never saying "no" to anything anyone invites me to, and making an effort to follow up with people I do meet...

Today I signed up for a Meetup (an Embassy walk) with a "40+" meetup group online...how bad could that be?  It's not till May though!

I mentioned Willee Lewis above:  she's a Washington institution (everyone seems to know her) whom I met at Lis Petkevich's birthday party a few weeks ago.  For whatever reason, she has really made an effort to include me in a lot of things, including a jewelry trunk show at a friend's home and this Chris Matthews thing.  I think I can take a leaf from her book--she has no reason to reach out to me, but has done so in a meaningful way.  She's a master connector.

Onward and upward--